LaslowNET

At QWE Computers, my boss, Todd, was a very popular guy. He ran the business himself for years before hiring a staff, and knew nearly every customer on a first-name basis. There was one customer, however, who always seemed to want to know him a little better. As in, do things that Todd’s wife might not appreciate. We’ll call this customer Patty.

It was mid afternoon, and Todd was doing paperwork while I was doing malware cleanups on half a dozen computers, as was the norm. From the back, I looked up just as the door opened and Patty walked in, carrying her computer under arm. Setting it on the counter, she started chatting up Todd.

Patty: So, Todd, it’s acting up again, and I think it needs  a reformat. Can you look after it?

Todd: Well, I don’t know if we can get to it today, but we’ll get it fixed up for.

Patty: Are you sure you can’t look at it for me?

Todd (getting a little fidgety): Well, err, I might be able to, but it will either be Laslow or Shane that does it.

Patty: Well, if you do, can you make sure to backup everything?

Todd: No problem. Anything special we should know about it? Any documents, music, videos and so on in odd places we should look out for?

Patty: Everything should be in the My Documents folder, but whatever you do, don’t look in the folder on the desktop called Lioness!

And then she winked at Todd and left. He looked at me, and I looked at him.

Todd: We’re just going to leave this one for Shane, I think.

Shane was in the next day, and as he came in, I told him Patty’s computer was top priority. I gave him the details, including the instruction ‘whatever you do, don’t look in the folder called Lioness’! I even threw in the wink, knowing exactly what he’d think.

At this point, Shane had been working there for quite a while, but hadn’t dealt with Patty enough to really recognize her name. After setting up the computer on one of the workbenches, he started backing up the data. Once finished cloning the drive, he fired the system back up with the other drive attached to make sure the process worked. After confirming it had, though, his curiosity got the best of him.

He opened the folder marked Lioness.

I was in the other room at the time, and Todd was still up front, but both of us heard the strangled cry as if we were standing right beside Shane.

Shane: MY EYES! OH GOD, MY EYES!

The swearing went on for several minutes while Todd and I laughed so hard we nearly cried. Come to think of it, I probably did. After regaining our composure, we went to assess the damage.

Shane had the monitor turned off, and was glaring at us hard enough to make me start laughing again.

Shane: You knew, didn’t you? Admit it!

Me: Hey, I just told you what she told us. What was in there?

Shane: Not good enough. YOU KNEW!

Me: No, I didn’t! What was it?

Shane: Porn. Not downloaded porn. Homemade porn. Patty and her husband. I can’t get the images out of my head! I only saw thumbnails, but…ARGH!

Todd and I went back to laughing, and the rest of the morning was fairly unproductive. Shane was able to finish the computer, though, and called Patty to tell her to pickup the computer. Later that afternoon, she dropped by to get it. After paying and getting the machine, she pulled Todd aside on her way out the door.

Patty: So, did you look at the Lioness folder?

Todd: Nope. I did just like you said and didn’t look.

I almost felt sorry for Patty – she flounced out, but not before flashing Todd as though he had kicked her puppy. Shane, on the other, I’m sure still wishes death upon me to this very day. I still can’t stop laughing.